Today I have a story that isn’t very glamorous, but was a moment that taught me a lot about my fear of failure.
Since being in Costa Rica we have been training nonstop with our ministry, Hope Project. Learning about the culture, material AND spiritual poverty, how their programs work, and more. This past week we finally had a chance for some hands on work. Most of the ministry has been in partnership with House of Raw, and community outreach program all about the love of dance.
Yesterday I walked in ready for some hospitality ministry and what I assumed would be more preparation for dance. Instead we sat down for Spanish class. Learning the language has been fun and exciting, and we find different ways to practice and apply throughout the day. What we didn’t know is that our application would begin right away.
Heading out to the streets of Downtown San Jose we began praying for the Lord to reveal people to us that he wanted to speak too. Feeling a tad bit awkward, we wandered at first and then found ourselves in a central area of the city. Not wanting to stand around I grabbed Kailey and our friend&translator Dani to go over to a woman with her child.
It started as friendly conversation and asking about her son’s age&name, and later talking to her about her home church. She was very kind and friendly, but I blanked on what to say or even ask. I just felt awkward to be honest. The interaction lasted a few minutes and I got to pray over her, but I felt discouraged in my spirit as we walked away.
Kailey and I talked about how we’ve never really done anything like street evangelize before. It was a new experience for most of us. Dani gave us some encouragement with questions to ask and how it wasn’t as awkward as we made it out to be. But even so, I felt put down and like maybe this wasn’t for me?
Maybe street evangelism isn’t my thing? Not in my skill set? Or maybe I’m just bad at it?
It wasn’t until the bus ride back to base the Lord told me something.
I was conversing with our bus driver Alfredo. A kind man who is always smiling and ready to talk if you want. He knows very little English so it’s been fun practicing Spanish with him and attempting to understand his responses. This night I found out more about his family and how long he has lived here. Even when I struggled to figure out what he was saying, he gave me grace and did his best to help me understand.
In the last few minutes of silence on the bus I asked the Lord about the conversation I had earlier that day. I realized that He has a lot of grace for me. I don’t have this expectation to be perfect or prepared. I didn’t fail in that conversation, it was simply a first attempt.
The reason I wanted to share this is because so often the church and other communities talk about evangelism and relationships. So many people I know are fearful of conversation with strangers and the possibility of being judged or rejected. I don’t think we understand how much it means for someone to come and pray for you. Or to simply say hello and try to get to know you. And even in our ‘failures’ He is moving and working in and through us. Shaping us into better disciples and impacting the world around us all in the same wave.
I don’t want a simple lie or fear to stop me from approaching a stranger or waving hello. Is there anything stopping you?
Disclaimer: All participants wore masks and socially distanced while involved in ministry. There was no physical contact during conversation or prayer.
It’s probably no accident, the Holy Spirit is at work in the body. There has been many sermons, speakers and emails lately about the fear of judgement and rejection, taking the upper hand in our spiritual authority through Jesus Christ to get out there, be a disciple, say ‘Hello’ to a stranger and impact the world. Great question, what is stopping us?